DAY'S TWO & THREE

WHEW! It has been a rough couple of days people. Ever since I've decided to attack my weaknesses, I've had people get mad at me, misunderstand me, disappear on me (I miss ya"ll by the way), and at the same time , I've had people encourage me, uplift me, and even kick me in the butt to make sure I stay focused. I got these emails a little while ago. They made me immediately come to the blog:

RE: DAY ONE)
What a blessing. Thx for sharing Bro. When you are honest like that, you steal the power from Satan. He has nothing to hold over your head. That's just the beginning of your healing.....TRUST me....I know!
Love ya,
Andrea

You need to know something ..... Very few people have the ability, desire, concern or the sense to want to better themselves. You are already healed. and I repeat... You are already healed.. How Russ?
There was a day... That you didn't give a #$%& about:
-what people thought
-How they felt about you
-What GOD thought...... (that's a deep one)
-How the girl you "HIT" felt when you never called back
-If your steps were in order....etc, because the list can go on.
Now that I have your attention... GOD actually wants you to heal others!!! By your words, you are doing JUST that. By being transparent your are doing JUST that... By sharing, caring and daring, you are doing JUST that. By capturing the "MOMENT" when you take pictures... you are doing JUST that. Your gift is incredible and its about to get better.

Your Big Little Brother, Russ
PS.. Tell Pops I said hello...

God has been really making me deal with ME! Ha....As I write this, I am reflecting on the way I felt this weekend. I felt alone. I know I am changing because the vice's that I used to have to get me through my periods of loneliness no longer appeal to me. WOW. While I was in the middle of it, I couldn't figure it out, but now on the other side, I can see it plainly. I am in the middle of a process. THANK YOU GOD for opening my eyes. I was motivated to write this blog today for several reasons. I did not FEEL like doing it. However, I have recognized that I am at my best when I am here....on the blog.....talking to who ever feels like reading. LOL PURGING.

QUESTION: What do you do when you feel alone or at your lowest point?
I tried to pray, but couldn't find the words. I wanted to pray in tongues, but every time I tried, my stomach hurt and I couldn't open my mouth. Then I figured, since GOD knows everything I am going thru and feeling, I won't bother HIM anyway, I'll just call my best friends. That's what they are there for! So I called them, and couldn't get thru. All road kept leading back to GOD. I finally got thru to my sister Trina. After explaining how I was feeling, the first thing she asked me was, "Did you pray?" I told her I didn't exactly pray...but I just started to talk to HIM, like he was a passenger in my car. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was a form of prayer. I just started talking to GOD and letting HIM know exactly where I was and how I was feeling. Low and behold, I felt better after letting it go. I am truly understanding the saying, "Let go and let GOD." I gave it to HIM and now HE has the responsibility of giving me my hearts desire. That was HIS promise to US.

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Keeping it 100: I am a spoiled brat!!!! OK..I said it!!!
I want, what I want, when I want it! That was a huge part of this weekend. I have some questions that I need answers to. There is only one person that can give them to me. It just so happens that, this one person I couldn't find all weekend. My brother Destin told me in no uncertain terms, "You are the type of cat that wants answers now. You're upset because you can't get them when you want them. Looks like you can't get them on COREY TIME. You're going to have to be patient!"

So, looks like I have to re-learn the lesson of patience! Thalia...any suggestions? :O)

A Brand New 28 Days-DAY ONE

Hello blog family. It is such a good feeling to be blogging again. I have decided to start another 28 days. This time, I am going to assume that things will be a little different. I am going to be dealing with some of my deepest thoughts, regrets, mistakes.....trying to see if I've learned from them. The other day, I asked GOD to give me the ok, or the push to start blogging again. I believe he asked me, what will be different this time? Did you really CHANGE? My mind was blown away. I had to ask myself, did I really change? So then I started going down the list of things that I know I've done in the past that were wrong...and I weighed them against the things that I am still doing to this day that are wrong. WHOA! Talk about dealing with the truth! I have done everything wrong at least twice except kill someone! I am blogging for deliverance this time. I am blogging to get smarter. I am blogging to get healed.

I am blogging to share how GOD will show my how I continue to repeat old mistakes, how to STOP repeating them, and more importantly, how to forgive myself for making these mistakes.
I am writing from a place of regret, reflection and humbleness today. I am mad that I am HERE. I do know that all of my wrong decisions have been a direct result of selfishness. I have misused people and money in the past, and for that I am truly sorry.
If you have ever felt like I've mistreated you, I APOLOGIZE SINCERELY. GOD I apologize to you also for not always thinking of serving the kingdom with my money first. I alos apologize for mistreating your children. I promise to do better.

Please do not read this like I am feeling sorry for myself, and please don't feel sorry for me. I am purging and sharing with the hopes that someone may be in the same postion I am, and it might help someone. Just wanting to get it right.